The GG...an almost mustache

We've reached the end of mustache week, folks. I recently shaved the GG so that only stubble remains, but not before taking some pictures for your enjoyment.

I know what you're thinking, that this looks like the picture of a man who's no longer excited about having odd facial hair! Oh yeah? Then how do you explain these pictures?















I was nothing less than thrilled to have facial hair that doesn't quite constitute a mustache. Surprisingly, the general consensus among friends is that the standard mustache was creepier than the GG. It took people a few looks before they realized what, exactly, the GG was. For the record, it's two ends of a standard 'stache without the middle.

This isn't the end of the blog. Expect a final post with my freshly shaven face and reflections on my beard shenanigans. Also, you never know, I may open up the voting again soon...

Mustache Week...Continues!

I'm back!

There's been a substantial delay in blog updates because of a halt to mustache week. See, my costume for Halloween was a 70s tennis player, complete with wooden racquet and short, white shorts. The package wouldn't have been complete without a nice, thick mustache. Sadly, mustache week became a casualty of historical accuracy. Once I have a nice pic of my costume, I'll post it here and I think you'll all agree that delaying my beard shenanigans was the right choice.

In the meantime, here are some standard pics of me rocking the 'stache.

"Right back 'atcha!"

"What the hell is that up on the wall?"

Now, my jack o' lantern is headed to the trash, the candy is all eaten and the short shorts have been put into storage until they're needed again. Since Halloween is past, mustache week will resume. Stay tuned for pics of the GG!

The Economic Recovery

Yesterday saw the end of the Recession as consumer confidence and business investment recovered to previous levels. In other words, I shaved.

Mustache week is upon us! It's the most wonderful time of the year! The recession didn't leave much symmetry for mustache creation, so the first installment of the week will be the Half-Horseshoe. For the purposes of brevity, I'm renaming this style the Halfshoe. The mustache week schedule is as follows...

The Halfshoe/The Chevron/The GG

As usual, here are before and after pics of my most recent shaving experience.















Stay tuned for mustache week pics, comments and shenanigans.

The Stubbly Recession

It's amazing how easy it is to become accustomed to asymmetrical facial hair. After a few days, I forgot that there was a graph of the falling stock market on my face. Of course, there's also plenty of stubble coming in, making the Recession less obvious.

Earlier today, I shaved. The Recession is once again clean for its final day of this week. Tomorrow night, mustache week begins!

Is that the stock market falling?

The Recession has been shaved into the face of history (mine). I know you're all waiting for pics, so here they are. Prepare for asymmetry!

And now the profile views...

These pictures make it look like I'm seeking something.

This style was shaved, with EXPERT accuracy on Tuesday night solo by me. The initial reactions I received at work were surprising. In my first meeting of the day, the 3 people who could see me straight on were smiling as I talked. The people on either side of me only saw one side of the beard and didn't notice the change. Very few people at all noticed the change immediately.

Though others may not notice it, this is easily the most conscious I've been of my own beard. It's also the first time in a while that my left sideburn hasn't reached past the bottom of my ear.

The reign of the Recession has begun. Stay tuned for more updates to come.

Pre-Recession

The evening air is chilly but still. There's a certain electricity in the air. It appears to be making my hair stand on end. The Recession is coming, it will soon be shaved upon my face. Until then, here is a picture of the current state of my beard. The Modified Artist has fallen into disrepair since my illness came and went.

Be warned, asymmetry (and likely hilarity) are about to ensue.

Beard Pause/Blog Pause...But now it's back!

This week has seen a distinct lack of updates on the beard blog. Sadly, soon after the modified artist was shaved into my face (AND HISTORY), I caught a nasty case of strep throat, from which I'm still recovering. Certain things fell by the wayside. Sorry to say, this blog was one of them. Here is my reasoning for the lapse.

When an illness is severe enough that things like brushing your teeth, heating up soup in the microwave and inserting a DVD (not into the VCR!) take a significant amount of mental and physical energy, blogging and shaving seem like looming, Herculean tasks, akin to summiting a mountain.

If you're still here, thank you for holding on. You're in for a treat. Tonight is the weekly ritualistic massacre of facial hair and we all know what's coming next (if you don't, check out this post, it's a schedule).

Erik, a participant in the beard summit texted me earlier...

"What's that I hear? Is that the stock market coming down today?"

Asymmetry is on the way. Pictures tomorrow.

Week 2: The Modified Artist

It was a last-minute entry to the e-poll, thrown in by conceptual beard artist, SullyBiz. It garnered the hearts of the people throughout voting. It jumped to a steady lead and stayed there until the polls closed. It is THE ARTIST.

Being the people's favorite, this style couldn't be ignored. However, support for the Hulihee was quite strong at the beard summit. Going from one to the other is impossible...unless modifications are made. That is how we landed on the Artist minus the chin.

This style took the most grooming expertise and necessitated lines drawn on my face to achieve proper cuts. Enjoy this representative pic.


After all the drawing, pulling, prodding, trimming, shaving, razing and shenanigans, the modified artist has been born. Witness the dawn of Week 2 of Beard Month in true mug shot fashion.

Day 7: The Modified Artist

I expect several comments from my co-workers tomorrow. Stay tuned for them or add your own below.

The Hulihee: Further Evidence

Day 3: The Hulihee


Day 4: The Hulihee

I honestly wish there were more to say about the hulihee. Though it has a ridiculous name, this style appears to actually be viable post-beard month. Many co-workers commented that I was "pulling it off" last week. Truth be told, there isn't much to this style, aside from shaving the chin. Speaking of, my chin has been really cold for the past week. Weird.

Up next...THE MODIFIED ARTIST!

The Recession (an artist's rendering)

For the curious, here's an artist's representation, courtesy of Sullybiz, of the style that has been chosen for Week #3.

Why I put the fate of my facial hair in the hands of others is currently a mystery to me. This one will be a true challenge. Like I said, I'll try dutifully to stick to the schedule but the Recession may be my undoing. It remains to be seen...

The Beard Schedule

The beard summit was an event long ago written in the stars. It was a time of destiny, of joy and despair. It has come and gone, leaving in its wake a schedule of beards for me to wear over the next month. With no further fanfare, here are the weekly beard results...

Week 1: The Hulihee
- Simple and dignified, this fine style has kicked off the beginning of an era.

Week 2: The Modified Artist (no chin)
- By tweaking the artist, it was possible to have it follow the Hulihee

Week 3: The Recession (artist's rendering pending)
- A style wholly created by the committee, it looks like the stockmarket downturn drawn across my face in beard form.

Week 4: Mustache Week (Half-handlebar/the Chevron/the GG)
- Instead of ending on one style, the committee decided to go out with a bang and try several different mustaches for the final week.

You'll notice that the 2 favorites managed to make the schedule in some form. There was also quite a call for asymmetry from yesterdays crowd and I managed to control some of that damage. Still, you'll notice the recession. That week will certainly be the most difficult one to get through. To be honest, I'm not sure I have the iron will to keep the style for a full 7 days but I'll make a solid effort to abide by the decisions of the committee.

Thanks all for voting, keep checking back for daily pictures and commentary of beard shenanigans. See you tomorrow!

Just kidding.

There's no way I can end this post with anything except a picture of me with a Hulihee.

Day 1: The Hulihee

There were precious few comments made about the beard today. The most notable was from a co-worker: "You look like you should have a Miller High Life in your hand and a cigarette in your mouth at all times."

Foreshadowing: B-Day Approaches

Continue casting votes using the e-poll to the right!

Beard Day, the day of shaving has been chosen. This Monday, Monday, Monday is when razor will meet beard. Alcohol will be provided and the committee will convene to determine the beard schedule for the next month. My facial hair fate is in their hands and yours.

In addition to declaring Monday, Sep 21st B-Day, I'd like to take this opportunity to address some frequently asked questions.

1. What if there's a problem with the sequence of beards from the poll? You can't very well go from the Artist into the Hulihee, now can you?
It's true, only a miracle would allow me to transition from certain styles to others. That's why it will be the duty of the drunken committee to account for sequence. Alcohol will surely help them make pointed, logical decisions.

On B-Day, the poll results will be taken into account by the committee but they are ultimately responsible for providing a realistic beard schedule.

2. Do you have the tools and talent to tackle the Artist? Do you have the wax to create a proper Handlebar Mustache?
Sadly, I've never achieved my lifelong dream of becoming a trained and certified barber. Nor do I have a natural ability for beard maintenance. If anything, I'd place myself solidly in the 50th percentile of men when it comes to beard grooming skills.

I never said that following a popular beard schedule would be easy. It may mean purchasing a beard trimmer and searching the interwebs for advice on facial hair waxes, combs and shaving techniques. This is all part of the challenge that I'm willing to take on in order to satisfy the will of the people.

3. Who put you up to this?
This was my own idea. Seriously.

Keep voting and get ready for pics and videos to accompany the upcoming shaving shenanigans.

Monday, September 21st IS B-DAY!

The biggest decision of this young century...

Vote for your favorite beard using the e-poll on the right!

That's right, the time has come. The fate of my facial grooming habits will no longer be decided by me alone. The masses will decide what's best, worst and/or most ridiculous for me. Step up to the virtual ballot box and cast your vote.

What are you voting for? Only the facial hair styling that you'd most like to see on my gorgeous, pasty, freckled face. Your vote will be taken into account when the alcohol-fueled committee convenes to determine the fate of my beard over the course of a month (Remember, 4 styles will be chosen and I'll wear each of them for one week).

A rendering of each style of beard has been provided by SullyBiz. Check out the Warhol-style image below (click on it for a larger version) for 20 different beards, goatees, mustaches and sideburns. Pick out your favorite and vote! Then get excited for the forthcoming pics that will result!

Will I be Mutton Chop Matt? Perhaps a thin mustache is in the cards! Maybe a thick one! Who knows, perhaps I'll end up wearing the hulihee and racing a balloon around the world!

Cast your vote, be a very large part of a very small part of history.

The first rule of Matt's beard is...

It's now time to list the rules that will govern the process of determining the 4 week facial hair schedule.

1. The schedule will be determined by a group of drunks in my apartment. I will be part of this group but will have no exclusive veto power. A poll to be posted on this blog with different beard styles will be taken into account but will not be binding. The schedule will not be determined by decrees from God (though if anyone has a theory as to why s/he would have an interest in my facial hair, I'm very, very curious).

2. All styles of facial hair will be valid with two exceptions, listed below.

Exception the First - The Hitler 'stache
This style is iconic in such a way that it cannot be divorced from the memory of the man who made it famous. It's disrespectful and silly looking. I won't wear it.

Exception the Second - Words Shaved Into the Beard
Aside from a lack of both equipment and skill to pull this style off, I do need to maintain a certain amount of professionalism in my appearance. Yes, I'm aware that the dude who typed that sentance works at a video game company.

Those are the rules. Next up, artist renderings of new and different facial hair on my face and a poll on this very blog.

Matt's Current Beard

I have a full beard. It is red with flecks of silver here and there. The beard has been fantastic for the past 10 months but, as we all know, the only constant in life is change.

The time has arrived to shave the beard. This action could be completed simply and cleanly, done to reveal a fresh-faced, shaven Matt. But where's the ceremony, the bombast in that? This beard deserves a send-off worthy of kings, vikings, leprechauns and David Bowie when his time comes. You may be asking, what end could possibly be as epic as this? What IS the beard equivalent of having your ashes shot from a cannon into the sun? I have your answer.

My beard will be shaved...

...wait for it...

...keep waiting...

IN STAGES.

That's right. Instead of shaving the entire beard in one fell swoop, I will celebrate its life by trying new and different facial hair over the course of a month. There will be 4 styles of facial hair, that will be worn for 1 week each. They will be decided by a committee of drunken fools one night at my apartment in Cambridge after my triumphant return from Costa Rica and Denver. That very night, the first style will be shaved into my facial hair...and eternity.

There will be daily pictures, artists' renderings of potential styles and reactions to each new bout of facial hair. First, though, the schedule of styles will be posted here. Will we see the Fu Manchu? Huge chops? A soul patch or moustache of some sort? Stay tuned to find out.